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Stebbing, Great Dunmow, Essex, United Kingdom
The occasional blog of an Anglican priest in rural Essex

Thursday, 4 September 2008

(Not) the diary of Horace Wimp

That was one of my favourite songs as a kid. Have you noticed by the way that the titles of these posts are mostly song lyrics? That one is a title (adapted) so doesn’t really fit but I couldn’t think of a lyric that fitted.

This is another Leadership Programme journal entry. You may recall that I am supposed to keep a journal reflecting on ministry and my own spirituality and personal life. If I was just doing it for myself I think I wouldn’t be so candid, as I would know when I was kidding myself. Blogging it forces me to be honest, but also makes me discreet! I am writing it on the course but it will only be posted when I get home so is still a bit retrospective.

This time I am only really half here (at Ditchingham, near Bungay), because it is the first week of September and about a million things are either about to happen or are happening now at home. These include back to school for the kids (an event I deemed more important than this morning’s first session and last nights evening event, but then my personal project since May has involved trying to get more time with the family!) and also three services to do on Sunday including a double baptism, and then the Alpha supper on Monday (lets not even go there when it comes to how many people are turning up for that!)

Despite having done a return trip home last night and this morning, then, I have just about managed to convince myself that I am here and I am learning things about myself.
So far these have been

That relationships are the key to my motivation – I do things in personal and professional life that are grounded in relationship – with God (obviously) but also with others. I wish I could post the whole of my Insights /discovery profile, but you’d get very bored as it is all about me. I have not really had much time for indicators of this sort – MBTI, Belbin etc, but this one really nails it, and all the more amazingly because I filled it out very fast with very little reflection.

That I thrive on working in teams. I pretty much knew this and it is good to know I am working to a strength. The issue to address is how to improve my attitude/motivation when by necessity I am working or making decisions alone – I hate that – even things like what to buy at the supermarket.

That I resist the idea of being alone in a spiritual context. I do pray on my own and I enjoy and grow in that, but I would much rather pray and worship with others – even if only one other person such as my wife. Insights suggests I might benefit from a week's silent retreat but where I am and who I am now would utterly hate that except for the sleep and the food! I guess this kind of thing shows up in that I get as much if not more out of spending time with my peers on things like CLP or at New Wine, than I do from the actual teaching.

So far, that has been OK, although I’ve only been to 1 ½ sessions. Last time, in May there was so much to take in I was a bit swamped and didn’t really let much of it sink in. Going over it again here now is good though. I am also very relieved that I am by no means the only person who didn’t do all the homework!

1 comment:

  1. Encouraging to read your candid thoughts about yourself. Why not try a mid week silent retreat, these are wonderful and you will discover God the Father in a new and very powerful way. I used to worship with others but since taking silent retreats find that God is more present to me and His Grace is so deep when I am silent and focused on Him with no distractions. A good C of E retreat place is in Crawley Down near to Gatwick airport, just let me know if you want the details.

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